I am not a “fashionista”.

Give me comfy shoes, a pair of jeans, and a tee shirt and I’m a happy woman. If I’m home I prefer a pair of loose-fitting yoga capris and a tee shirt or my jammies. I do enjoy variety. There are reasons for my limited and minimally varied tastes, not the least of these being that the fashion world has, for the most part, shunned the shorter variety of women. But then, you have to have some empathy for a world that is as limited as a carousel ride and keeps reinventing certain fashions that were better left dead. A few come to mind, though the first one was kind of fun and not that bad…

Woman Wearing Platform Shoes

Platform shoes…

In the 70’s they were the ‘thing’. I could finally reach my top locker without standing in the bottom one. It was glorious! We believed that the fashion world was finally noticing, and sympathizing with the vertically challenged among us and had come down from their lofty heights to help us. We believed, but we were wrong.

It seems that Aphrodite, the Greek goddess, wore platform shoes. There’s one for the history books! A woman that was short and a ‘goddess’ belying the theory that short people don’t succeed as well in life.

\I wore these in the 70’s. They were beautiful, open-toed sandals with a 5″ base. I’m sure Aphrodite would have approved. It was dizzying to see what the world was like for the person of average height. I fell off of them numerous times, somehow averted the nosebleed that my Grandma was sure would take me down,  and turned my ankles more than once, but I didn’t care. They made me almost tall and until I realized that they really weren’t very comfortable, I wore them.

Recently I saw them on a shorter-than-me friend at church. She was very excited, almost elated, to be taller than me; though, admittedly, that is not a great accomplishment. Still it made her happy and I was not going to burst her tiny bubble. They looked cute and they were comfortable! What more could a girl ask for?

Earth shoes…

Remember these? In the 70’s, shoes went from the ridiculous to the sublime. We went from a heel that launched us into the stratosphere, to one that offered “negative heel technology”. Supposedly, these shoes were made to give us the effect of walking in sand with all of the health benefits that went with it. Of course, I had a pair. They made me feel like I was always going uphill. Add this to the fact that I’m slightly uncoordinated and the possibility of falling on my keister while standing perfectly still became a little more than a threat. I think these still exist and are currently being enjoyed by old hippies everywhere.

Acid-washed jeans…

They entered in the 80’s and exited in the 90’s, only to re-emerge with a different name and look. For awhile, they were called stonewashed, which didn’t look any different than acid, though I’d never confuse those two ingredients

Yesterday in Target, I saw the acid-washed version again. They were not only advertised as acid-washed, but high-waisted, too; and not just up-to-your-belly-button high-waisted; but, up-to-your-chest-old-man-style high-waisted.

I’m thinking these jeans never really went away. They’ve just slowly evolved. Now they are called, “Distressed,” so much so that they are full of holes. Maybe they’re using too much acid, but somehow these are considered very ‘stylish’. I may be showing my age here, but I have to wonder why people pay for these.

I’ve saved the best for last and will spare you a picture…

Is there anything in all of the whole wide world that is as bad as the men’s Speedo? The first man to wear one in the 1960’s was arrested. You’d think that would give a clue to the fashion world, but it did not. These things are still around. I once saw an older, bald, more-than-a-little-bit-chubby man on the beach wearing one made of mesh. I kid you not. I averted my eyes and quickly distracted our two grandsons for their own protection. As if that wasn’t bad enough, when he passed I realized it was also a thong. Gross does not begin to describe it. I remain a woman permanently scarred, but it’s really not that big a deal!