Remember the funny-post-not-by-me called The Stance? In that post I shared about every woman’s graduation into that wonderful world of  “The Stance.” The act of avoiding, to the point of self-inflicted bodily harm, any and all public toilet seats. It was a hysterical piece, not-by-me, and I enjoyed reading it as much as you did. And, look, I still have the picture!

Since then, I’ve come across some very freeing information that I would like to share with all of woman-kind. Men, I would ask you to ‘kindly avert your eyes,’ but I think that will only make you more inclined to read on.

Diana Gabaldon, is the author of the Outlander series and a myriad of other stories. She is an amazing author and one of my favorites. A bit of Gabaldon trivia, before she was a writer, Ms. Gabaldon was…are you ready for this…a scientist. Who knew? Having traveled the world and frequented innumerable public restrooms, Diana has something to say.

“Having lived to my present advanced age, and spent a great deal of time traveling, I’ve spent a lot of time in public restrooms. And, having been a scientist in my previous professional incarnation, I can’t help observing things and drawing statistical inferences. Which is why I am in a position to inform you that roughly half the female population of the United States suffers from the twin delusions that 1) butt cooties exist, and 2) they, will given half the chance, leap several inches from a toilet seat and burrow into the skin of an unsuspecting bottom.

I can only guess that at some point in an impressionable youth, these women were told by some female authority figure that One Must Never Sit on a Public Toilet, “because you might catch something.” Firmly indoctrinated with this policy, they do not sit on public toilets. They hover.

Ladies, ladies…the skin of  our  bottoms is actually pretty germ-free, owing to the fact that we normally keep them covered and don’t (usually) touch other people, animals, etc., with them. Your bottom is much cleaner–microbially speaking–than are your hands. Various studies of the bacterial content of public restrooms indicate that there are a lot more germs on the door of said restroom than there are on any toilet seat therein. (To say nothing of the teeming worlds of microorganisms you acquire every time you accept change from the counter guy at Burger King. How many of you race to the bathroom and scrub you hands after ordering the meal but before eating it?)” (Italics mine)

And there you have it…we are free to sit…though most still won’t. And, personally, I may forever let the Burger King guy keep the change.  While I won’t try to persuade you from your convictions I think we can all affirm…

It’s really not that big a deal.

The quotation above can be found in Diana Gabaldon’s book The Outlandish Companion, pgs. 330-332, entitled “A Brief Disquisition on the Existence of Butt Cooties.” A few words have been changed to protect the innocent. =)